Ask Gigi

Love Is Boundaries

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Boundaries are really important and an act of love for yourself and the individual. A healthy individual wants to heal themselves and see others heal. However, when it comes to actually helping others we can get a little confused and begin losing ourselves in the process. How much energy should you invest? Should I carry this weight for them and for how long? When will they change? Sound familiar?

When it comes to assisting others we can do so directly and indirectly. Direct helping is giving guidance and assistance and is possible when the person you are helping has the intention to help themselves. Indirect helping, and it may not feel like helping at all, happens when you create boundaries and no longer invest your energy in assisting someone who is not willing to help themselves. Indirectly helping someone is speaking with the deepest part of you, your energy and your example of self worth.

Setting boundaries can be painful because it feels as though you are cutting off someones energetic supply, because you are. More often then not people will try everything to convince you that it is wrong to not continue providing energy for them (*cough* enabling them) the way you have been. They will attempt to make you feel wrong. Don’t fall for it. Carrying more weight than your own will cause major problems in your life.

Unfortunately creating boundaries is the only scenario that will actually register for someone who has moved far away from their heart and purpose. For you boundaries may be limiting contact or even no contact.

When we are not willing to help ourselves and we move away from our heart, we lose the ability to clearly perceive others and energy itself. From this distorted place loving intentions can even be interpreted as manipulation, selfishness, vanity, or other sinister acts. This makes sane communication difficult if not impossible. For the individuals in our lives that are functioning from here our only choice is to create boundaries and space. Only then will they be able to experience a pure reflection of their inner world.

Your work from this point is to forgive yourself, bless them, cut cords and begin healing from any distortions that may have kept you in that situation. In fact, until you create boundaries you may not even understand a pattern with you that you need to heal. Energetically these boundaries act as a mirror and they will begin to see their reflection. This is the most loving situation that can happen as it gives them a real opportunity to experience themselves, no more projecting. Love is boundaries.

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If this is happening to you, may you have the strength to choose yourself, and as you do, let it be known to each cell within you and this universe that it is an affirmation of love. May you have the presence to cut each cord as it rises to be released. May all wounds return to you as wisdom. May you be blessed with new relationships that are deep, warm, and give you the structure you need to trust. May you see your true beauty, all of it, even the parts that rest undiscovered behind your breath.

And so it is.

Gigi 

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Join the discussion

  1. Leena

    Beautiful post! I have decided I need to take space from my family. My fears are rising as I’m getting closer to actually taking that leap of letting them know. Your blog helped me see that this is something I need do, that it’s not selfish and actually an act of love.

  2. Maryam

    How does the law of attraction fit into experiencing such people in our reality? If it is law that we attract what we are(/how we feel), doesn’t this mean that all those around us are simply just a reflection? I am finding it hard to distinguish between observing those in my experiences as mirrors, and choosing to ‘walk away’- isn’t ‘walking away’ in essence, walking away from something I attracted into my reality?

    Love.

  3. Stacie

    Thank you Gigi 🙂 This is so on point and helpful! Much love!

  4. Cristina

    This post came in great timing! Amazing. Been struggling with feelings of guilt not knowing how to help family member (adult) that has not proven to be deserving of my help (lifelong bully) and has been showing lots of nasty behavior to all family members trying to support him/forgive his chronic irresponsibility. That sounds so stupid written down but it is so clear from reading this just how manipulative he has been, how distorted his views are. Just tonight I thought about how I’ve already got too much weight on my shoulders to feel burdened by all his troubles/debts, especially when he’s treated me so poorly in the past. I’ll forgive myself for inadvertently awarding his negative behaviors in past and will stop feeling illogical guilt for not knowing the magic words to help him when I understand now he needs to want to help himself before he can receive it. Maybe unspoken words can be the most powerful ones of all. Thank you Gigi, your posts are an absolute joy to read!

  5. Janice

    Wow – this is exactly the answers I was looking for… thank you, Gigi!

  6. Christina

    This is my current situation. I know I will transform it all in divine time. Thank you for this, lots of love to you!

  7. Jamie

    Perfect timing; going through this process right now. You word things beautifully and have described it to a T

  8. Aja

    Thank you 🙂

  9. Aja

    And, a question. I’m in a situation where my boundaries have to go deeper than physical. How do you set a boundary within your own mind against outside psychic influence?

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